The giggles and smiles that accompanied them all the way back home vanished the moment they entered the home. Instead of being happy on somebody’s happiness, there were faces distorted in utter contempt and anger, fighting to subdue the fuming emotions inside. The couple who has spent some jovial time out was relentlessly preparing to answer the questions to be asked in the final battle; the eternal battle between the in-laws and their son; whom they disown the moment he is married. There is no particular ceremony where the son is disowned on the grounds that he is married. It s a gradual process where every day the son is asked to pass a certain test to prove that he has not changed sides. Sometimes even talking casually to one’s spouse is taken as a betrayal. Pinning ears to bedroom doors for surveillance purposes, asking kids secretly what parents did outside and asking them for food the moment they enter home are modern day tactics of so called in-laws.
Under these circumstances it becomes immaterial what your son goes through when you have directed your canons at the Bahu. Hate and contempt for bahu most of the times exceed the love these ladies have for their sons. So are you wondering what causes this paradigm shift?
Where everyone has their own version of answer to this question, I have mine. I maybe wrong but at least I will share it hoping it might educate some women who after next two decades will be in the shoes of their mother-in-laws. Yes, it’s important because I love my son right now and always will. I need to tell myself to accept the happiness of my son in another woman’s arms. I need to make it clear to my ego that if I bore him, it does not entitle me in any way to dictate my terms on his marital life. And above all I did nothing for his wife to expect submission from her. So if she cooks for me or hands me even a glass of water, I need to be thankful to her.
So guys, my answer for “Why certain women make the lives of their sons’ hell after marriage?” is that maybe; they themselves have had a tough time with either the in-laws or their husbands. The frustrations, disappointments and verbal abuse faced at the hands of their in-laws are vented out at both the son and daughter-in-law. The never-ending cycle then goes on and on. There is no shame in accepting our mistakes after all tomorrow we can give better lives to our sons. If we can compromise on our quality of life just so we can send them to better schools or colleges, why can’t we stop ourselves from interfering in their marital lives? There are thousands of ways of healthy criticism but literally, pointing out flaws of your Bahu in front of her husband is surely not one of them. These so called mother –in-laws cant oops, will never embarrass their daughters like that so why do it with someone else’s daughter?
The point was not criticism but to create awareness among women who have sons or will have sons in the near future, to please stop thinking that you own your bahu.