Normally I don’t watch Pakistani dramas for their constant “ Baashan” for women to “mend their ways” like all ill in the world is just because of them. But drama “Dil Mom Ka Diya” has been the talk of the town since its last episode got on aired. The message writer tried to deliver was aptly taken in by the viewers. The satisfaction people felt at the downfall of Ulfat was like as if she had been the reason of their misery in life.
So I had to barge in.
I started watching it from I guess 14th episode and since then I stayed glued till last. My first impression of Ulfat was a headstrong, selfish, narcissist girl who had her way irrespective of what others thought or felt. She was why we all instantly fell in love with her character; maybe she did what we all long for secretly but don’t do due to societal pressures.
She had her share of evil in her nature like not treating her daughter well and honestly this is the only point where I detested her but again this flaw in her character seemed a fabricated one by the writer to demonize her so her fall could be justified. Apart from this she didn’t seem to me a devil.
Why it is right to fall in love with Ulfat?
The drama writer and directors of “Dil Mom ka Diya” worked strenuously to deliver “ Makafaat-e-Amal” but failed to make a point about forced marriage. Ulfat didn’t want to marry Afzal in the first place but she was forced into this relationship just because he apparently seemed a kind-hearted and financially stable dude.
He respected her parents and provided for them financially which I don’t think is the only criterion for a suitable match in marriage. The first thing that has been bellowing in ethics, religion and human rights is the “consent” WHICH WAS NOT SOUGHT.
The second thing; women in our culture are not vocal about their likes or dislikes about partner in marriage as it is considered sheer “besharmi”. Even after marriage when she could not accept him; she created usual problems in the house just to vent her own frustrations which were translated into “her rudeness, selfishness etc”.
Third thing if she was at fault by aborting her baby; Afzal was equally guilty about it. If she was not interested in a baby he should have taken proper precautions and even after so much happened no one raised a finger at Afzal for impregnating her against her will. He was all angels.
Hell why? Because he was a man?
Why Afzal was not an angel?
So did he think that by buying her all goodies he could buy her “consent” as well? Why he thought only his love was enough for a relationship to sustain? Does it not sound like selfishness?
Marriages if arranged should be based on equality so that spouses don’t encounter inferiority or superiority complexes later in life. In this case we see Afzal feeding Ulfat’s family and then asking for her hand in marriage.
Honestly which girl will go for it? Most will not. Because normal people feel they are indebted to their benefactor and hence a bad sign.
Then by keeping her amidst his siblings whom she didn’t like; he did play the role of an ideal father to them but what about his role as a husband?
Even Islam gives a woman right to live with her husband separately but her this desire was turned down as well. His two brothers were office-going adults who could live alone but they stayed in that “joint jamgatta” to further the rifts in his marriage.
He could have saved himself and his family from that “office insult scene” by divorcing her when she asked for it. By trying to drag the marriage he was unfair not just to Ulfat but to his siblings as well especially Azhar. Where did the angel in him go when he asked Azhar to dissolve his marriage just because he could not drag Ulfat anymore?
What message “Dil Mom ka Diya” tried to deliver?
No doubt our drama industry feeds mostly on women and it’s the reason most of them are women-centric. The writers therefore try hard to bring messages solely for them like they are the only ones who maneuver things for a stable home.
I digress from this theme where we see Ulfat as someone who is remorseful of her actions only and everyone else is a victim.
Was life fair to Ulfat that they all are sitting on thrones, judging her for her ungrateful life?
Is having a financially stable man; all a woman wants?
Should she have killed her desires and lived meekly complying with her husband’s demands? Is this what we want our daughters to have?
Where Ulfat was a go-getter our society needs to understand that “staying meek” is not the solution. Woman have been doing it since ages and we need to change that perception.
We need to tell the society that it has to respect a woman’s choice in marriage rather than telling her to accept “fate, karma” and accept everything as God’s will and bear pain.